Goodbye Recliner

Dear Recliner,

You have been great these past few weeks supporting me and propping me up at night when my bed couldn't offer that post-surgery.  I appreciate what you've done for me but now it is time to say good-bye to our night-time resting periods.  Last night after a great acupuncture/chiropractic treatment and massage I was able to graduate back to my bed, sleeping by my sweet hubby.  With the help of supportive pillows I was even able to sleep on my side.  It felt SO good to be next to my love and to be back on my side.  Oh how I've ached to have those two things back into my night-time sleep routine and now they are.  I felt so much more rested this morning upon waking up!  So again, thank you for getting me through the last 2.5 weeks but now I'm happy to say goodby!

Really struggling today.  I wish every day I can be inspirational or have good news but today I'm just feeling really down and sad.  I want so badly to be a normal mom today and am mourning that I can't.  I want to make dinner and drive my kids to their activities and pick Salem up and work out at the gym and go to playgroup.  I don't want my social interaction being limited to the doctors and nurses and discussing my cancer.  Yet at the same time I am so consumed with cancer that I feel I need to talk about it and let it out.  I don't want to lose my hair and feel sick all the time.  Can't I just heal from the surgery and skip the chemo?  You cut it all out of me right?  Kelly and I prayed about this and I need to hold to that because in these moments of weakness I feel like I want to just nix the chemo and do the alternative route.  I've got to hold to my faith and remember the answer I received.  This always happens, after being loaded up with inspiration (general conference last weekend) and strength it is always then that the adversary tries to pull us down and make us doubt.  Okay, I'm feeling better now already.  Get thee hence Satan!  You are NOT welcome to this party!!

Surgery

My surgery was two weeks ago today and I am amazed at the way my body has been healing.  Things went very smoothly with my surgery and we were so relieved to hear that my cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes which was a miracle with all that was going on in my right side and the type of cancer that it is.  Waking up in the recovery room was a bit traumatic because it was so difficult to breathe with my lungs.  I had to breathe with my diaphragm to get a decent amount of air.  Luckily I was prepared for this as I knew that once they do the mastectomy they put in tissue expanders behind the pectoral muscle.  This causes them to spasm which in turn causes the difficulty breathing.  Knowing this made it much less freaky when I woke up but it was still nonetheless painful.  The pain was bad but as I fully awoke they gave me some valium and percocet for the pain and spasms.  It was quite tolerable after that.  Everything was going very smoothly until I looked down and noticed my right side bulging from my hospital gown.  I asked the nurse if I was supposed to be so lopsided.  She then inspected it and I noticed it was growing bigger by the minute.  As it was growing I was feeling more and more intense pain.  The nurse said it was not good and that they would have to do surgery on it because it was not draining but would call the doctor and see what he thought.  The plastic surgeon was in surgery so she called the breast surgeon who told her to ice it.  When that ice came on the pain became excruciating.  The nurse said I had a hematoma and was filling with blood.  I started hyperventilating and crying because the pain was becoming unbearable.  I had already taken my pain meds so the nurse said she would give me an iv of morphine.  Didn't even touch the pain.  Right when I thought I could not take it one more minute a voice came in my mind that said "tell your mother to sing to you".  My mom was sitting next to me and not knowing what to do.  I told her to start singing.  She began to sing with her most melodic voice beautiful hymns of comfort such as; "Abide With Me, Tis Eventide"; "Savior, Pilot, Me", "Come Thou Fount" and so forth.  I felt surrounded by angels and I could feel them singing with my mother and filling me with comfort and relief from the pain.  I told my mom, "the angels are singing with you", and she was choked up as she witnessed the profound spirit in the room and knew that what I said was true.  My mom and the angels continued to soothe my pain until the plastic surgeon and surgery crew got there about 30 minutes later.  When Dr. Brunworth got there he put his hand on my leg and said how sorry he was I had to experience this.  He said he must have missed cauterizing a vein somewhere which was most likely the cause of this.  What doctor does that?  Will apologize and say he may have missed something?  All I can say is I was thoroughly impressed with his compassion and honesty.  He and the surgery crew then wheeled me into the OR and transferred me to the surgical table.  This transferring brought all the pain back in its intensity and I began to hyperventilate again.  The nurse said I would be out in about a minute and to just breathe through the pain.  Dr. Brunworth in the meantime was rubbing my hand trying to soothe me since my mom wasn't there to sing.  This is the most compassionate doctor I have ever met and he is my age!  Well, a year older anyway.  He made the experience so much more bearable.  He found during the surgery that the blood was coming from everywhere not from one unattended vein and it worried him that I might have a blood disorder because my body was also bruising everywhere a needle or knife touched.  Luckily those test just came back negative.  They think it must be related to the advil I accidentally took two nights before which can thin the blood.  The main thing is...I have a doctor who is so good he is willing to take the blame for something that wasn't even his fault.  He will definitely be recommended.

Back to blogging for cancer therapy

So I haven't blogged in a couple years.  Hope I still know how to do this...
Because of the monumental life change going on in the Checketts family right now I knew I needed to start blogging again just to get things off my chest...haha (if you know what's up in our family you'll think that one can be taken literally as well).  So get this therapy going....
      A month ago on a Friday evening I received a call from a nurse at the breast and cancer institute down the street.  I had gone in the Wednesday before for an ultrasound, mammogram, and biopsy for a lump that they had diagnosed as fibroidadenoma.  No biggie.  They said it was a small benign tumor that most likely would not even have to be removed.  The only reason they had done a biopsy is because it was not a cyst and if it is not a cyst they always do a biopsy just to make sure.  The nurse said, "as traumatic as this may seem right now you will probably forget about it by the time you have to get another mammogram".  I was relieved and grateful and did begin to forget about it already by Friday as the biopsy pain was mostly gone.  During that appointment I had also asked the nurses if the "staff" infection on that same side that had not responded to my doctor's antibiotics or any of my natural remedies could be related to any of this.  She as well as my OB/GYN both said that it most likely was not related.  It had improved a little from the antibiotics and I just thought maybe I needed some stronger antibiotics to get rid of it.  So I was relieved that I had "double-checked" and was mostly back to normal life when the nurse called me that Friday night a month ago.  Dinner was almost ready and the kids were hungry and crying so the nurse asked if I wanted her to call back.  I said Kelly was home so it was okay and I went in the next room.  The nurse and I engaged in some light conversation and then she told me she had my pathology results.  I noticed a change in her voice.  She slowly and carefully explained that the test results came back positive for cancer.  A rush of adrenaline flooded my body and I didn't know what to say.  All I could say was, "woah, that was not what I was expecting".  She agreed and said it was not what any of them at the office were expecting either.  I tried to be as positive as possible with the nurse while still in shock and then politely hung up.
    Since that call a month ago our lives have taken the biggest turn we have EVER experienced.  We found out I have hormone negative/her2 positive breast cancer along with Paget's disease (where the cancer has spread to the surface of the skin).  This is a high grade aggressive cancer which requires chemotherapy and a mastectomy.  Because I love alternative therapy and healthy living I seriously pondered going the alternative route to avoid surgery and chemo but the more Kelly and I have prayed about it the more we have felt that we need to be like the cancer....AGGRESSIVE and do both the alternative and medical route.  This is harder to do now but we feel will pay off in the end because we will have done cancer-killing therapy at all angles.  I also had to make the very difficult decision of whether to do a single or double mastectomy.  After a lot of advice from survivors, a long pros/cons list, and some serious fasting and prayer we both felt we should go ahead and do the double mastectomy.  It was hard to take in the thought of having the most feminine part of my body removed but I felt a beautiful spirit buoy me up and was reminded that reconstruction is a part of the process as well.  I am SO grateful to live in this day and age where medical research and treatments are advanced and make it a much less traumatic experience than it used to be.  I am also incredibly humbled at how the Savior ALWAYS steps in and delegates ministering angels to strengthen and lift us through these kind of trials.  I have felt His Spirit SO strong in our home the last month and have seen it shining through the eyes of my children, husband, extended family, and friends.  We have been FLOODED with love and support from both sides of the veil and I am humbled at how the Lord has sent comfort whenever we have needed it........like today, in fact!  I was feeling very isolated and alone and had the thought come to me that I needed to write our experiences.  I feel so much better already!
     

Haela Hospital Day #4

We managed to keep her out of the hospital for 3 years but the St. Louis spring and crazy weather changes have taken their toll on her asthma. After 4 days in the hospital she is finally over the hump and we hope to take her home today. They have taken her off oxygen now they just have to ween her off the breathing treatments.

We're having a baby girl!!!

So we will be having our 4th baby in July and Haela is SO excited that she finally gets her little sister!!! I love 3d ultrasounds to see some of their features. She looks like Enoch to me. What do you guys think?

Enoch at the hospital

Lucily Enoch still has a finger! He has a smile only because this is right after they gave him a teddy bear and right before they started stiching and gluing his finger back together. This morning while he was helping daddy lift weights he fell back and got his pinky finger smashed between the wall and the weight. Kelly thought Enoch was fine (other than the blood-curdling scream) until he looked and saw that the nail was ripped off along with the skin peeled back in several places revealing the bone (I'm sure you wanted the gory details!). I was SO glad Kelly was home (work has been cancelled for 2 days due to the blizzard) because when I went in the bathroom to see what happened I almost puked and had to leave. I had to sit down a couple times while the doctor was working (luckily our resident friend was working at the time and was able to work on Enoch) due to wooziness. His finger broke in a few spots and will most likely never regrow a nail due to the damage of the nail bed but at least he gets to keep his finger!! I could never be a doctor with the way I react at the sight of blood (maybe it being my son makes it worse though :))...............................................................................................