Cancer Support Do's

Love my family!  Showing their support from afar by cutting their hair.  My sister and sister-in-law donated their hair for wigs.  My brother not only buzzed his head but shaved it bald.  And my sweet little nephew helped shave my brother's and followed with his own little buzz to show support.  Did I say I LOVE my family????

The Wilderness

The doctor's prepared me with the understanding that the chemotherapy would most likely put me (as it does most) into a temporary menopause.  Instead it has done the opposite.  My ovaries have been put into overdrive and are giving me cycles every two weeks with intense cramps.  Also, the one cyst that I had in my right ovary has turned into several cysts in both ovaries ranging from 1 and 2 cm, which cause a lot of nausea.  Normally, cysts can be dissolved simply with a couple months of birth control but because I have breast cancer any hormone treatment is out of the question.  The doctors don't really know what to do with me as this is not the norm.  The kids have also brought home several sicknesses that I have caught making the other hormonal stuff less manageable.  Then yesterday after church I experienced my first migraine which did not let up until tonight after a good accupuncture treatment and help from a friend.  The headache is still there but is at least manageable unlike the migraine.  I have had several bad headaches in my life but oh the debilitating migraine where you can't move or have lights or noise going is awful.  Can't imagine what it must be like for those who get them often.  Obviously, right now, I'm feeling a little more defeated...but I am accepting that this my current "wilderness" just as Lehi and his family had to go through theirs.  I am holding to the fact that I can be strengthened during the "wilderness of my afflictions" and that the Lord will "provide means whereby...(I)..can accomplish the thing which he has commanded...(and)..provide means...while (I) sojourn in the wilderness" (1 Nephi 17:3 Book of Mormon). 

Prayer and Cheerleaders

 Today was a harder day as my mom is now gone, my kids are sick, and I'm trying to face life normally in an abnormal situation.  In other words, I let down my guard and had a pity party for myself.  Then I said a silent prayer in my heart for Heavenly Father to help give me a lift.  I even said in my prayer, "I need some cheerleaders today".  Literally 5 minutes after that cry for help Ephraim replied the mail was here and ran to bring it in.  There in the pile of mostly junk mail were two inspiring postcards from my visiting teacher and a letter and check from a friend in Tennessee that said in the memo, "Charity's Cheerleaders".  The Lord redeemed me today through the hands of inspired friends.

Haela's 5K race dedication

I've been SO amazed by the way Haela has taken all this cancer stuff in.  She has stepped up and started helping me more, drawing me inspiring pictures, making lunches, composing songs for me on the piano (they're amateur but so sweet and touching), getting Salem dressed in the morning, and her latest was dedicating her run to me.  Instead of her standard orange "Girls on the Run" shirt she wore pink.  She also wore her pink socks and pink bracelet.  This girl who used to be hospitalized every year for asthma has shown us all what hard work and determination can do.  The past two years she has started running and taken control of her asthma.  Instead of hospital visits she is running races...and dedicating them to her momma fighting breast cancer.  Love this girl!

Chemo #2

Just had chemo treatment #2 on Monday and felt a little less "rookie" than last time.  I knew what to expect which helped a lot.  This was much shorter than the first one which spanned two days.  I went in at 8:45 and left at about 2:45.  Six hours of filling me up with drugs and fluids.  I never would have thought chemotherapy would be so time consuming.  Originally I thought I would like to just have someone drop me off and pick me up when I was done but I realize now I like the company to make the time pass.  This time Kristine took me which was nice because she is a nurse practitioner and was not afraid to ask why they used a certain medication or why I had to pay a "specialist" copay, etc.  It was soothing to have someone there who has  medical background.  She was fun to talk to.  When the Benadryl kicked in and made me a little less then coherent she was also very understanding...It is so strange how the first hour your just chatting away and then all of a sudden you feel you're in another world and don't quite know how to carry on conversation.  Then after you work through that for an hour or two it goes away and you can converse again.  Weird stuff.  Kristine stayed until noon and then Edee showed up with lunch for us!  What a pleasant surprise!  The nausea starts to hit after a few hours and so I was so grateful to get the lunch in before the nausea came.  Though we are only allowed one visitor at a time the nurse didn't shoo away Edee so the three of us were able to eat lunch and chat for 10-15 minutes.  Then Nancy came in and touched my heart as she wore her crocheted hat and pulled all her hair back to show her support of chemo day...and the fact that a few days before we shaved my head.  It meant so much to me to see her in that hat!  I'm continuously amazed by the sweet things people will do to help ease the burden.

 This is Nancy, me, Edee, and Kristine just before we got in trouble for breaking the rules:).  After the four of us visited for 5 or 10 minutes the nurse had to tell us "only 1 visitor at a time"!  Nancy stayed and I said goodbye and thank-you to Kristine and Edee for making my day.  Kristine surprised me with a beautiful hat from the cancer boutique in the same building.  People are good...

Thankfully, this round has not been as bad as the last round.  I didn't have near the wretched nausea that I did last time.  It comes in waves but is milder and more doable.  I also didn't deprive myself of the sleeping pills (it is really hard to sleep after all the steroids they give you) which I think helped make things less severe.  My only complaint was I caught my kid's colds by the end of the week which contributed to a bit more of a general ill feeling--still not as bad as last time though.

Hair-Shedding Party

I decided last minute to get daring and make a big party out of losing my hair.  At first I thought I would just have family and a couple of friends but the more I thought about it I thought it would be neat to open it to the public more and allow anyone I know to come and show their support as well as help break the ice to the awkwardness of losing my hair.  I was really excited about this until I made the mistake of washing my hair two hours before the party.  I was shedding hair pretty bad but thought if I was careful enough that I could wash and dry it so it would be clean for the party.  This was a VERY bad idea as I lost a quarter of my hair in the shower and another quarter while blowdrying it.  I began to get panicked and starting crying to Kelly wondering if I should just cancel the party due to all the bald spots that I didn't want revealed when we did the buzz at the end.  Luckily Kelly and my good friend talked me through it and said we can just do all the hairstyles/cuts while everyone was there and then save the buzz for later.  So I said a prayer and got the courage to go through with the party.  I'm so glad I did as it was one of the most beautiful experiences I've had.  Everyone brought food and jokes and we began with our family taking the first snips.  Each person would come up and tell a funny joke and then cut a big chunk of my hair.  Who knew that letting people chop off my hair could be so fun!!

 After Kelly, my mom, Haela and Salem (the boys had friends and were too distracted) took their chunks then each adult at the party got their turn to take a snip.  We all laughed and the jokes helped break all the ice of nervousness and discomfort.

 After all took a chunk then my awesome hairstylist, Liz, went to work with four different cuts and styles.  First she did a bob and everyone oohed and ahhed over that one.  Next was the awesome Miley Cyrus cut that I told everyone I was going to do.  Following that I got the spikey sassafras look which I modeled and had a lot of fun with.  To finish it off we did the awaited mohawk that surprisinly looked pretty cute.  Liz was so great to entertain us all in such a way.  Now I have so many styles to choose from when my hair grows back!

Everyone gave me hugs and we all laughed and ate together.  All in the room were radiating light and love as they were able to come and support me during this big step.  As each person left they hugged me and expressed their gratitude for being able to come and be a part of something so life-changing.  I was amazed at how touched they all were.  That is when I felt a confirmation that making a huge party was the right thing to do in my situation.  The Lord wanted to give more people an opportunity to feel they were helping me in some way and it in turn filled us all with his gracious light and love. 

 After the last person left and it was time to do the hard part of shaving it to the scalp I felt great courage because of being so filled from the party.  Liz kept telling me as she was shedding the very last of my hair that of all the cancer patients hair she has shaved that this experience was the most happy and beautiful.  She said she noticed everyone in the room filled with joy as they witnessed God's hand helping me as well as them turn a difficult thing into a positive experience.  It was a night never to be forgotten.

Strength and Hairloss

So the doctor told me to plan on my hair to start falling out about 14-17 days after my first infusion.  She said as soon as you feel your scalp tingle or itch to shave it.  Today is day 14 and my scalp started getting itchy yesterday.  I thought it was in my head and still holding to that thin chance that I could be a lucky one and not lose my hair.  Tonight I started shedding.  No chunks but like 10 strands at a time when I run my fingers through my hair.  I started tearing up as reality was sinking in that I will be part of the norm that loses their hair.  My sweet husband told me I'll be beautiful no matter what and to think of it like an adventure.  He said, "how many women get the chance to just shave their head?"  I love how he can make a depressing situation be exciting.  So grateful for his positive outlook and cheering me up.  I've just got to own this and let it be my mark of strength and courage.

A sweet friend from church was an answer to prayer today.  She brought me these socks which reminded me in my weak moment tonight that I AM STRONG and that I CAN do this.  I'm so amazed at how the Lord always steps in when I need it most. 

Halloween

Haela and Salem were princesses and Enoch and Ephraim were creatures (Enoch-Stitch from "Lilo & Stitch"/Ephraim-Hopper from "Bug's Life".  Don't want to brag but these costumes cost me a total of $11!  Did I mention St Louis has the best thrift stores ever?!

The kids showing me how sick candy makes you!  We paid a steep price of $10 per child to buy their Halloween candy back.  Suddenly they changed from "We LOVE candy" to "candy is SO bad for you...it can cause cancer!"  Ha!  Hilarious how things switched when $$$ was involved!

This was a massive bag of candy that I wanted to get rid of fast.  Luckily my friend's son's class is collecting candy to send to the soldiers.  Jackpot!  Then I didn't have to feel wasteful by throwing it away or have to spend money on shipping to send it to the soldiers myself.