Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Really struggling today. I wish every day I can be inspirational or have good news but today I'm just feeling really down and sad. I want so badly to be a normal mom today and am mourning that I can't. I want to make dinner and drive my kids to their activities and pick Salem up and work out at the gym and go to playgroup. I don't want my social interaction being limited to the doctors and nurses and discussing my cancer. Yet at the same time I am so consumed with cancer that I feel I need to talk about it and let it out. I don't want to lose my hair and feel sick all the time. Can't I just heal from the surgery and skip the chemo? You cut it all out of me right? Kelly and I prayed about this and I need to hold to that because in these moments of weakness I feel like I want to just nix the chemo and do the alternative route. I've got to hold to my faith and remember the answer I received. This always happens, after being loaded up with inspiration (general conference last weekend) and strength it is always then that the adversary tries to pull us down and make us doubt. Okay, I'm feeling better now already. Get thee hence Satan! You are NOT welcome to this party!!
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5 comments:
Yay for blogging again Charity! I'll keep looking forward to reading it! Let it out girl!
I understand your thought of it being gone since surgery is complete...right? After Stephan's surgery they scanned him right after and everything checked out okay. They scanned him again 3 months afterward, and there were already 3 nodules in his lungs. He had to have another (PAINFUL!) procedure to have one of those nodules biopsied from his lung. Turned out that biopsy showed that the cancer had spread to his lungs, despite having the primary source of cancer removed. Scary to think about, really. Grateful for modern-day scans!!!
I think about you often!
Vent more often on the blog! I always love to read a good blog from a friend!!!
Oh Becky, I can't imagine how scary that must have been! Once it matastises things can get really scary. So were they not originally planning to do chemo on Stephan? Was the chemo to get rid of the nodules on his lungs?
My dear Charity, I'm sorry you had a rough day today. I wish I could have been there just to listen. We love you and will continue to keep you in our prayers.
Dear Kelly, Charity, and kids,
Please know of the sincere and heartfelt prayers and well-wishes going on from our family in behalf of yours. We love you and are inspired by your faith and courage.
With love,
The Brim Family
Charity, I can relate to this in a small way. When I had the five small children under age 8 and was real sick with rheumatic fever. They didn't know what was wrong with me for over two months and I was getting worse and worse. Couldn't walk. Couldn't lift even the covers off me. Don had to carry me to the couch, and I would slowly work through the pain to get to the kitchen. Then when I was finally diagnosed, I couldn't move because of the risk my heart was at, so I could only walk to the bathroom and couch. My kids "grew up" fast and helped with laundry, cooking, and cleaning while Don worked was at work. The ward helped tremendously. I remember just wanting to be a mom. I wanted to jump on the trampoline again. Go to the park and play. Make a meal for someone else and serve. There was no time frame. We didn't know if it was a chronic thing or would pass. After seven months I was given the "green light" to start living again.
Although it was a very difficult time, I can honestly say I wouldn't trade it for anything. My relationship with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, Don, and my kids grew in ways I treasure. I learned about true service and how little things mean the most. I had an incredible visiting teacher (Cindy Lowery) who became a dear friend and taught me what a true visiting teacher is. I learned that Heavenly Father knew who I was and didn't want me to suffer.. and was there to wrap His arms around me when I couldn't go on... and that He inspired people to call or come over when I really needed them. My testimony is stronger. So even though it was a very difficult seven months, it changed our family for the good. You are in my prayers. Wish we lived closer!
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